Dean, I prayed to you every night too
by caspie
Summary: This is my first fic up for oeople to see, so take it for what it is... In Purgatory, Dean and Cas managed to be more honest and Cas needed Dean as much as Dean needed Cas. That need leads to an honest conversation and an honest kiss. Written for Evi 3


As Benny walked away, Dean squatted down in front of his angel. He made sure to keep his hand on Cas' shoulder, never breaking contact. He didn't want Cas to feel so undeserving. He always knew how Cas was feeling, the angel was just too easy to read. But, Dean was Dean and as a proper man, he didn't talk about his feelings.

At least, Dean didn't talk about his feelings unless he was forced. Or when he needed to share with Cas. They were trapped in Purgatory. Every monster in Purgatory knew two things: to fear Dean and that Cas was Dean's angel. What good was the lie anymore? Dean knew that Cas was his, in more than just a friendship way and not in the same way as a brother. In fact, the fire in his hand just laying his palm on Cas' shoulder over the trench coat would argue that Cas meant more to Dean than anybody ever had.

"Cas... I don't do the chick flick crap. We don't do all the mushy feelings. But, just look at me."

"Dean, I... I was trying to keep you safe. I did it for you."

"I know, man. I know. I didn't doubt you. I mean, I prayed every night and you know I'm not the praying type. Why didn't you come? We can fight together. We can escape Purgatory together."

"Dean. I heard your prayers. Every night, I heard your prayers. I couldn't answer your prayers. The leviathan were after me. I couldn't lead them back to you, after it was all my fault you were in danger in the first place... It was my punishment. This time, instead of being destroyed, I was sent to Purgatory.  
"I'm an angel, Dean. They know I'm here. I held all those souls within me, every soul knows me. I reached too far and now my father has let me fall so far that I am an angel in Purgatory. And I trapped my charge, the man that my father intended me to guard, in here with me. I betrayed you."

Cas' looked at Dean. His eyes were wide and confused and sorry. God, did Cas look sorry. Dean wasn't good at the emotional crap, he just swallowed it and drank or fought his way through it, but Dean couldn't force Cas to do that. His hand tightened in the fabric of Cas' trenchcoat, when Cas' began lowering his eyes. His lips felt bone dry and he ran his tongue over them, while he decided what to say.

"Cas... Cas, I always knew that you were trying your best. Hell, I wanted, no I needed, to believe that you were on my side. I prayed, you said you heard me... You know what I prayed, Cas, you know. I'm not into this feelings crap... I don't know what to do."

"I heard your prayers, Dean. I wanted to come when you call, just like I used to, but I couldn't endanger you further. I have no right to your... friendship..."

Cas quieted when he saw something flash in Dean's eyes. Dean's eyes darkened, like he was angry? Or hurt? Cas had never mastered the way to deal with Dean. He had betrayed Heaven for Dean. He had fallen for Dean. He had tried to fix his sins for Dean. And now he was trying to save Dean again. But, somehow, he always messed something up. Instead of gripping tighter or getting closer to Cas, Dean loosened his grip and moved back almost imperceptibly. Hurt, the shadow in Dean's eyes was definitely hurt.

"Dean. I know you aren't an angel or my father or anybody that could hear prayers..."

Dean's brow bunched up, wrinkles forming between his eyebrows and the corners of his mouth tightened into a small frown. Cas had missed that look. The confusion, the thought. Few people understood how smart and how intuitive Dean really was underneath the drinking and macho crap. But, Dean didn't do these kinds of talks, so he just kept quiet and wore that trademark look.

"I knew you wouldn't hear a single word Dean, but I prayed to you every night. When I heard your voice, I answered. When I ran from the leviathan, I prayed. Dean... I... My father abandoned me, my kin are almost all dead, and... I prayed to you."

Something damp ran down Dean's cheek. The muscles in his jaw bunched and his mouth dropped open a little bit. Another drop of water caught on Dean's lip. It never rained in Purgatory. Cas lifted his eyes to Dean's and watched the water pooling on his lashes. Cas tilted his head and watched the tears. He counted the tears, traced the wet paths on Dean's face. And he lifted a hand. Rough fingers caught on the slight stubble along Dean's jaw. Dean flinched a bit at first, but didn't pull away. Cas drew his finger over Dean's cheek bones and caught the tears. He followed the movement of his hand with his eyes, but as his finger neared Dean's eye, Cas looked up once more.

His brow was still bunched. His mouth drawn into a tight line, as thin as such full lips would allow. His eyes crinkled in the corners, while he tried to blink away the tears that he would probably deny exist. Cas knew this man. He had remade this man. He had held his soul. Dean was the most beautiful thing Cas could imagine. Dean was the reason that man was his father's greatest creation. Cas understood his father's love for man because he loved Dean.

Cas opened his mouth, but his breath caught. His hand was resting on Dean's cheek, turned the wrong way to be cupping Dean's face. And Dean was still staring. All the raw pain and fear etched into his face. Cas watched as Dean rolled his lips together and parted them just slightly. He watched Dean's adam's apple bob as he swallowed thickly. Even when he looked elsewhere, Cas could feel the fire of Dean's hand on his shoulder, the fire in his gaze. And he had to answer.

"Dean... What do I? How do I express to you..."

But Dean was staring at Cas. His eyes darting as they traced the shape of Cas' mouth, his jaw, and back to his eyes. Cas felt like Dean was the fires of Hell trying to swallow him up, but the fire didn't hurt, except when he tried to push it away.

The leaves crunched again as Dean fell to his knees in front of Cas. And Cas' leaned forward following Dean's movement. But as Dean knelt and Cas leaned, they came closer together. Cas couldn't see Dean swallow, but he could hear it. The sound of Dean's breath filled Cas' ears. And Dean could see nothing but the contours of Cas' lips and the confusion nestled in Cas' brow. There was nothing but the thud of his heart and the rush of blood in his ears and Cas' breathing.

"Cas... I don't do this. Not with guys... Not with anybody since that freaky Amazons thing..."

"Dean... I'm not sure what you're talking about."

Even with all the tension, with electricity practically rising off their bodies, Cas is still adorable. Dean needs that, that innocence, to balance how sullied he is. The damp heat of his tongue slides over his lips as he examines Cas one more time.

It's there. That look. Not the one he jokes about getting him laid. Mixed into Cas' angel confusion, Dean can read the same heat, the same desire in Cas' eyes. Cas' hand has been resting on Dean's face for an almost awkward amount of time, but he doesn't want it gone. He raises his own hand and lifts Cas' fingers and turns them, so that Cas' hand is cupping Dean's cheek and Dean's hand is cupping Cas' hand. The feel of that warm pressure is like a brand on his face, like Cas' is going to leave his mark on Dean's jaw to match his shoulders.

Cas' eyes widen. And in them, all the dark weight of desire is clear. He may not understand, but Dean does. That weight just flows into Dean and he can't wait.

"Cas."

Dean pushes up onto his toes and lifts his mouth to Cas'. Cas' bottom lip is soft and pliant and fuller feeling than it looked. Dean just brushes his own lips across Cas'. He backs away just enough to look at the surprise in Cas' eyes.

"Dean, I... I don-"

Dean pushed his lips more solidly against Cas' and he parted his lips just a little, opening Cas' mouth. And they shared their breaths. Confused and hesitant movements of their lips against each other made their breathing heavier. The world had narrowed to just their lips together. Dean moved his hand from Cas' shoulder up into the short hairs on the back of his head, feeling the brush of them over his fingertips. And Cas had slid off the fallen tree to kneel in front of Dean. His knees were slightly parted around Dean and the hand not cupping Dean's face rested on Dean's thigh. The pressure of Cas leaning into the kiss, leaning into Dean, was enough to drive Dean crazy.

Cas slid his tongue hesitantly over Dean's lips and almost pushing into Dean's mouth. The almost-feel of Cas running his tongue along Dean's teeth had Dean breathless. There was nothing in the world but Cas.

The feel of Dean's lips had Cas confused, but his mouth moved on its own. He pushed into Dean, like he needed to breath Dean in. Cas had watched how humans mated, but suddenly it made no sense. He didn't know what to do, but he knew that there were mechanics to it. He knew that at some point he had known how a kiss worked. But, Cas couldn't remember at all. All he could think about was the solid mass of Dean in front of him. He pushed away from the tree and landed practically in Dean's lap, but it felt better. The heat rolling off Dean and into Cas. The feel of Dean's hand in his hair pulling him closer.

Cas licked along Dean's lips. He didn't know why, he just wanted to so bad. He wanted to taste Dean. He wanted to be a single existence with Dean. Cas could feel his wings reaching to wrap around Dean, trying to pull him even closer.

Then a crack echoed somewhere to the left. Some crunching leaves and suddenly Cas and Dean were apart. Their breath still ragged and the heat was still there, but now they were warriors and enemies approached.

"Dean! Cas! No need to hide, I promise I'll lay off the teasing until tomorrow."

As Benny called to Dean and Cas, the tension eased and the fell back to their knees in front of each other. They just looked. They could each see that the other's lips were swollen and red from kissing and that their breathing was just calming. But, even if they didn't really know exactly what had just happened, they knew it was right.


End file.
